I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
