turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
