You made me cry and you don't even care
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
