A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
