YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
