The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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