at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
