Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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