It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize