john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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