Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
