I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you inspire me to be a worse person
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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