you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
