I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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