she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
