She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
