He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
