I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize