i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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