You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
operation have a gay friend backfired
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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