My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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