Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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