His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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