My room smells like vodka and shame
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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