Jerry, you need to find god
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
