it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
