I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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