Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
