you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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