Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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