i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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