I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize