oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
