david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
