Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
