I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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