I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
