I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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