You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
