I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
