I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I deserve this hangover.
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