so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
