either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
