get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
