I CAN MOONWALK!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
