You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize