so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Text me some of your sweat
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