so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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