dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
