there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
