I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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