I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
