The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize