Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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