I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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