I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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