White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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