did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
