So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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