I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
