vagina is talking i cant
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Semen is not good for contacts.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
