AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize