**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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