I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
