ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
