he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize