Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
