i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
