Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
