youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
