I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize