please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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