is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
