Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize