I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
