he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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