32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
