In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
