I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
