So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize