Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
