He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
