He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
