the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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