Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
