I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
