her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize